When I was seven years old, my school teacher wrote in my end-of-year report:
“Sally enthusiastically joins in with classroom conversation. Although she doesn’t always think before she speaks, her contribution to most debates is useful and well-informed.”
Fifteen years on (hey, it’s my blog, I can lie if I want to) I think that’s still pretty much true. And I believe that opinions make for a better blogger. Whether you’re writing your own blog, or writing for a client, injecting a point of view differentiates the content and helps to start conversations. But are all conversations good conversations?
What happens if someone disagrees with you? Is that still good? If you publish a comment that disagrees with your post, does that compromise your reputation? Are you being attacked?
When someone disagrees with what you’ve written, the first thing to remember is that we’re human beings, not robots. So differences of opinion are as natural as rainfall and autumn leaves. After all, not everyone can be blessed with your perfect insight and understanding, right?
The second thing to remember is that it’s good to create content that moves people to engage with it. If someone has taken time out of their day to have a conversation with you, then that is a compliment to your writing, even if the reader is only taking the time to say what you’ve written is garbage.
My advice is always to thank someone for taking the time to comment, and give you their feedback. Don’t stoop to being snarky or trying to score points. Demonstrate that you’ve read their post and make an attempt to see where they’re coming from. While you might not change your mind, gaining a greater understanding of someone else’s perspective is never a waste of time. And nobody ever thought less of someone because they were polite and respectful.
Unfortunately, not everyone who disagrees with you is going to do it in a respectful, adult way. At some point, you’ll probably face anonymous comments, where someone doesn’t want to put their name to their opinion. Here, you’ll need to make a judgment call. If you think a writer has opted for anonymity because they have a valid reason for not wanting to be identified, then you may choose to publish and respond to the comment.
However, if you suspect the writer wants to be anonymous because they are being spiteful or expressing an opinion designed to upset or hurt someone, then remember it’s your blog, your rules – and you don’t need to give anonymous commenters a platform. You might consider writing a ‘comments policy’ to spell out what you will and won’t permit on your blog. Consider recording the IP addresses such comments originate from – you might spot a pattern revealing the comments are coming from a disgruntled competitor or employee, for example.
If you’re very unlucky, disagreement can sometimes take an even less pleasant form. Sometimes readers will vent about a blogger on Twitter or on their own blogs, usually without identifying the blogger they’re talking about, just dropping heavy hints about their identity.
You can’t respond to this type of criticism because it’s like fighting a shadow, so my advice is don’t even both trying. Just ignore it. Done by one person, this sort of disagreement shows a shocking lack of manners. Done consistently, or by a group of bloggers, it’s bullying and intimidation. Either way, these are not people whose good opinion you need to seek out, or worry about.
As a blogger, I want to encourage debate and conversation. I encourage disagreement – not because I like the fight, but because sometimes I hear things that actually change my mind (my post about only losers using Twitter springs to mind). I’ve always felt comment moderation was clumsy and slows down the flow of comments, but a free-for-all isn’t always appropriate if you’re writing professional content or something that might be contentious.
My compromise is to have a comments policy (and thanks to my blogging chum Diane Shipley for letting me steal her ideas) that clearly spells out what sort of comments I will – and won’t – publish on my blog. But I’d love to hear your approach to the issue – how do you ensure that conversation remains positive on your blog, even when there’s disagreement?
{ 25 comments… read them below or add one }
Would you hate me if I was to say fifteen years ago I was seven? ;o)
Yes, frankly.
15 years ago I was… 11. Don’t hate me!
I thoroughly agree with your post here, I really should write out a comment policy I think.
Luckily I haven’t been the brunt of any nasty comments yet, but I do sometimes find it hard to not stick up for friends when they go through similar problems to those you’ve mentioned. I try not to though, as I don’t want to stir up more trouble for the person they’re aimed at.
Thanks Marylin. I think the issue of stepping in is incredibly difficult – as someone who has been targeted by bullies, I must admit it’s massively important and great to have support, but it’s tough when nobody will support you publicly for fear of becoming a target themselves.
I want to teach Flea that if you don’t step in then you’re as bad as the person who is doing the bullying – but in reality it’s not quite so black and white, I know.
I know how you feel… hehehe I have lost the count of how many times I’ve had do had my parents called at school because I had disagreed with a teacher or another and stood by what I meant…
Trouble, thy name is Yuri… hehehehehe
Arf. Trouble thy middle name is Sally, though.
I’m quite surprised that in over 7 years of blogging I’ve never had to worry about this sort of thing. There’s been heated debate in my comments threads from time to time but never anything unpleasant. My policy is to moderate the first comment from each reader (which also cuts down on spam) and after that I don’t pre-moderate. Obviously I’d have to change that if things started getting nasty, but so far so good.
I’m somewhat bewildered by the idea that ppl would go around writing nasty comments tbh, the response “grow up and get out of the playground” springs to mind. Wish it wasn’t necessary though.
I have a theory that people who do this stuff imagine themselves crusaders, out righting wrongs and fighting for justice. By calling people hags and bitches. It’s twisted and a bit weird, but I don’t think anyone sets out to be so nasty.
Or, as a friend said to me today, maybe they’re just not that bright?
Warning: may contain reposted sentiments from elsewhere.
I think of lot of the rancour comes from poor communication. 80%+ of the meaning we derive from conversation comes from non verbal signals, tone of voice, inflection, body language etc and none of this is available via internet communication. We’re all left to assume that the remaining <20% we get is enough and often people assume the worst, get the wrong end of the stick and so on. The important step of asking someone to clarify what the meant is often left out and its that which causes most of the massive arguments to my mind.
Yes, there’s not a lot of clarification goes on. Recently I wrote a post that someone was offended by. They left a comment criticising what I’d written and I explained they’d not got what I meant, and perhaps I didn’t explain it well – so I edited the post. I then got slammed for ‘backtracking’ and making them look bad. So sometimes you just can’t win!
I also find there’s very little assuming the best. I tend to start from a position that most people don’t set out to be rude or mean, but I think some people almost read a post looking, scanning for something to be upset about.
Eek! 15 years ago I was a new Mum.
I don’t have a comments policy since that would mean sticking to rules and even if I made the rules I’d still probably break them (yeah I am THAT contrary). If someone disagrees with my opinion I will happily enter into a discussion with them in the tone and at the level they choose, and raise them. I am happy to let anonymous comments stand, in fact the only thing I don’t allow is people to delete their own comments… that way if they comment without thinking then hell mend them.
But then most of the comments I get are lovely – it’s quite fun getting an arsey one now and again just so I can let rip haha!
I like the thing about responding in the tone and level they choose – that’s a really good rule of thumb. Although I tend to think being incredibly polite to someone who has been a total muppet makes them look that much more stupid.
Bloody hell, Emma, I’m twice your age.
Anyway, I completely agree with what you say and I’ve been thinking of having a comments policy on my blog. Next thing to add to my to do list. This blog business is becoming full time job. Shame it’s an unpaid one.
Oh, don’t start the payment row on this post, Missus!
Amen to that. I hope now we can all move on and get back to some kind of normality. (not here mind, never normal here!!).
Have realised that 15 years ago I was 19…so older than most people! hey ho!
BNM
Me too. (age, I mean)
Many thanks for this Sally. It hasn’t been a problem for me so far but may well be on my new blog which (hopefully) will move into more controversial areas.
Welcome!
I deleted a comment from my blog last night because it wasn’t nice, it wasn’t even constructive – it just said ‘Could you be any more common!’…. Nice
I don’t mind posts that disagree with what I say or that offer something constructive but I shouldn’t be insulted on my own blog.
I’m usually of the ‘if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say it at all’ variety
Oh my goodness, that’s horrible! I agree, if someone is disagreeing with you in a meaningful way that’s one thing, but just being rude? Pah, why should I pay for the hosting just so someone can call me names??
Its a hard one. When I posted about Mumsnet v Netmums and had my huge surge of 5000 hits in 48 hours along with 100+ comments, most of which were abusive towards me, I left them, why? Because I dont like being censored myself and so wasnt going to do it to these women. They were entitled to think of me what they will but ultimately I and my loyal readers knew they were wrong. In the end after some of my loyal readers started defending me and these other women didnt like that I closed the comments as it was turning far too nasty against my readers. I was fine while it was attacking me but not when it attacked my readers.
Its a hard one.
You know? Honestly? I don’t think it’s THAT hard.
If someone posts on my blog and can’t have the decency to be respectful then I have no qualms whatsoever in ‘censoring’ them. This isn’t a public sector website inviting consultation. It’s my blog. I write it. I pay for it. I’m liable for what’s published on it. So, I’m the law, basically.
It’s not about censoring negative comment. But if someone says: “I think this is ridiculously ill-informed crap, you obviously haven’t researched it, why don’t you go and do some proper work?” I’m okay to publish that, because it’s got substance and I can defend myself.
If someone just says, “Oh Sally, this is just your usual crap, why are you such a loser?” then, erm, I’m not going to publish it.
Dear Readers – Please don’t test this theory by posting random abuse, it might make me sad inside.
I prefer to say I “inspired” you
But yes, this can be tricky, and I sometimes feel a bit wobbly enforcing my comments policy. I got one comment that was friendly, and from a Twitter pal, but full of swearwords, which I don’t want. (Hello! My mum reads my blog.) So I settled on a little light censorship…
Basically what my comments policy says (as you know, haha) is that you can disagree with me, if you do so politely. I reserve the right to politely disagree back. Abuse (of any sort, not just at me) will be deleted. I haven’t been in that position yet, but my blog keeps growing, so I expect to be at some point. Sadly, I think it’s inevitable.
I love your policy (obviously, as I nabbed it) because it’s so upfront but reasonable at the same time. When I read it, I remember thinking EXACTLY, that’s exactly how I feel – that debate is fun, and seeing someone else’s perspective is never wasted, and I want to do that, but I don’t want to provide a home for someone else’s anger issues or jealousy or whatever it might be.
What I find is having a policy there now makes me feel much more relaxed about censoring things. I did recently delete a thread on the forums and felt really fine about it – I just emailed the person involved and said, “Look, I don’t publish abuse about individuals, and I pay the libel bills round here, so I get to be a bit strict.” And actually, that person was more than fine because it was so upfront.
I agree with you on the swearing, too, I am not a big swearer, except when seriously fed up, and it makes me a little uncomfortable on my blogs – but I tend to edit and insert asterisks in that case.
Yep, that’s what I did — asterisked ‘em. I think you’re right, though. You do feel more justified doing so when you have a policy in place.